Fifths homne v ESC(Thurs, Nov 25,'10)

Captains Curse Slain (and Edinburgh Sports Club)

This week’s game was against top of the table Edinburgh Sports Club 5, but the Barbarians were able to field a strong squad of Dave Grieve, myself, Richard Nisbet, Dean Wood and playing his first competitive squash match – Jordan Fleming.

First up was Jordan who took to court with all the swagger you’d expect from our Northern American cousins. He quickly backed up his confidence with action taking the first 9-4 before sweeping his opponent off court for a 9-0 second. A great start to his debut was then followed by the wobbles. A run of eight consecutive lost points in the third saw him 8-2 down and despite a brief flurry of resistance, the third was lost 9-3. The fourth started the same and as the match ebbed away, so did Jordan’s ability to remember the Queen’s English. But from 7-3 down, a run of 5 points took Jordan to 8-7 up and he served for the match. But yet again the Queen’s English took a pounding and three match points were lost before he called ‘set 2’ and then lost the next two points to take us into the fifth. In the changeover, thelook on Jordan’s face suggested he had at least remembered a bit of Queen Victoria’s English because he was clearly ‘not amused’ and this galvanised him into the last with gusto. Gone were the flamboyant gestures to be replaced by a steely demeanour and a Paddington Bear stare. This concentration clearly worked as he raced to a 4-1 lead before closing out in style 9-2. A great debut from Jordan, and a winning start.

Over on court 2 I had the pleasure of refereeing Mr Wood and Mr Mackenzie. I have used their formal titles to suggest that they may be gentlemen, as a mark of irony. It is meant to conjure images of pistols at dawn and earl grey tea. This was more like two coyotes fighting over a rotting carcass.

The first game was a bit of a non-event as Dean led 7-0 after the first serve and game was quickly over 9-1. It began to hot up in the second when Dean kept hitting the ball into the backhand corner, didn’t move out of the way much and his opponent ran into him for a let. After the third consecutive call several differences of opinion ensued whereby Dean ask “How much of the f***ing court do you want?” to which his opponent replied “If I don’t run into you, he won’t give me the let” (I think I was the ‘he’). The second game was nip and tuck, (or punch and counterpunch) to 3-3, before rage overcame Dean and the game slipped away 9-3. The camaraderie continued into the third where a polite request from the referee to keep the game continuous and not take 30 seconds breaks between points was met by some of Mr Mackenzie’s own version of the Queens English. This then built up into a refusal to return a serve, followed by a thrashing of the ball into the floor during a point. From the corner of my eye I am sure I saw Mr ‘Meldrew’ Grieve watch with admiration. As I considered whether to give a warning, Dean strung a few points together and took the third 9-5. The fourth was still 0-0 when I had to ask Mr Mackenzie to repeat a comment as I thought he had threatened to punch Dean. I was persuaded that I was mistaken and a bizarre game developed in which Dean seemed to forget where he was, and promptly lost 9-0. Into the traditional Barbarians Fifth and Dean’s superior stokes took him to a 7-4 lead. With victory imminent, Dean suddenly became Mr Charming and at one point held out his hand to help his opponent to his feet. This was refused and Dean continued to finally win the game 9-4 for a 3-2 victory. Glad that one wasn’t my exam match on the refereeing course!

Next up was Richard who arrived in a puff just after 7.30 full of apologies for being late. I thought he was over-doing it a little as it was only 7.35 and he was playing number 3. He went on to explain how he had needed to tell his boss that this week’s match had been brought forward a hour to 6.30 and that he was going to be a full hour late. How we laughed when we told him that it is the game on the 16^th December that was brought forward and that he still had a half hour before he was due on court. This must have left him in a terrible emotional state as he went on court and lost the first game 9-3. Things continued into the second as he was quickly 4-1 down before recovering his composure to take control of the game. It started with a run of eight clear points to take the second and level the game at 1-1. The third was very tight right up to 7-7 before some excellent retrieving brought errors from his opponent and Richard prevailed 9-7. The fourth was a mechanical affair as Richard’s composure on court took him to a 9-3 lead and gave us a match-winning 3-0 lead.

On the other court I had a real gentleman’s game full of etiquette, gracious lets and calls of ‘well played’. From 3-3, a run of six points gave me the first. The second was a tight game fully of running. This was because neither of us could hit a clean winner and paired with good retrieving, led to a long and tight game. But I just managed to keep my nose in front to win 9-6. At this point I learned from the balcony that Richard had won and that we were winning 3-0. My thoughts turned to the Curse of the Barbarian’s Captain (see last report). It had proved it’s existence in Brian Sloan’s game last week and I began to wonder how it would affect me here. I was also thinking how I would explain losing from 2-0 up. My angst was heightened at the start of the third when I went 6-0 up. Mr Grieve was going to love telling everyone how I managed to lose this one. But after dropping just a single point, I served the match out for a 3-0 win to slay the Curse and set the team up for our best win of the season.

Last up was Dave who played the lovely Moira. On the balcony, we wondered how Meldrew would deal with the fairer sex on court. Surely he’d be able to ‘believe it’ this week and keep the game civil? The first was tight before Dave took a run of 6 points for a 9-5 lead. But in the second, his trademark limp was starting to show and it was quickly lost 9-2 to bring us to 1-1. It was clear that Dave’s knee was giving him some serious issues as he sought to play a controlled game from the T. This started to work well, and the third game was won in a controlled manner 9-2. But old age doesn’t come itself, and a check with the balcony that the game had been won told us everything we needed to know. The last two games were lost 9-0 9-2 and Moira rescued some point for the Sports Club.

So, an excellent result with a 19-8 victory against the top of the table team. The match was followed by Franco’s usual fayre, but it was disappointing that only my gentlemanly opponent managed to join us afterwards. Still finished the pizza though.